Your Guardian Angel
by Cullenlover25
Summary: Edward and Bella are happily in love. But what happens when he breaks up with her? Does she try to get him back or go on with her life? It's better than it sounds!
1. Chapter 1

"Bella. Bella! Come on, it's time to go!" Alice's voice broke me out of my painful stupor. A tear rolled down my cheek, and I wiped it away as quickly as I could while glancing around the nearly-empty classroom to make sure no one had seen my breakdown. I gathered up my books like a sloth, and Alice tugged my arm impatiently. I had completely zoned out through the whole class, and I hadn't noticed when the bell rang. I tried to move a bit faster because I knew we were going to be late for out next class. When we finally made it out of the classroom, my eyes flickered around the crowded hallway. Alice studied my face with a worried expression.

I noticed, with a dizzying jolt of pain, a familiar head of bronze hair coming toward Alice and me. I averted my eyes, glaring at the floor while my eyes filled with infuriating tears. One escaped my eye and dripped onto my foot. I blinked my eyes feverishly, trying to banish the pain, but the memories came back anyway.

Edward and I _had_ been in love once before (well, at least that's how it was for me). But one day he decided that I wasn't interesting enough for him, and it broke my heart, in the literal sense of the phrase. I had trouble breathing sometimes, like my lungs had been ripped out, and my heart ached until I couldn't take it anymore. After that, I usually took cold medicine, just to knock me out. It was better than facing the pain.

At school it was harder. I saw him in the halls, and in three of my classes. He ignored me completely, as I fully expected he would, but it hurt worse than anything I could ever have imagined. I was still painfully in love with him, and seeing him with other girls just made the wound deeper. I had considered suicide many times, but every time I managed to convince myself out of it. I wasn't that selfish; I wouldn't hurt my family and friends like that.

I moved to the other side of Alice so that I wouldn't have to brush his arm as he walked by me. I tried to keep my eyes away from his face, and failed completely. His perfect face was the same one I saw in my dreams every night, his emerald eyes were the same ones that haunted my thoughts constantly. I saw Alice glare up at her brother, and he returned the look with a frown. Then the moment was gone, and I was left to my pain. Of course, I had Alice, but she wasn't dumb enough to bother me when I was this engulfed in my agony and sadness.

We walked the rest of the way to class in silence. Her eyes kept flashing to my face, but I ignored her. During the lesson, my thoughts lingered on his beautiful green eyes. It made my chest hurt, but at the moment I didn't care. I was pretending that he still wanted me, that he still loved me. I pretended that for the entire class period, and Alice was probably wondering why there was an infrequent smile on my face.

When school was over, I waved vacantly to Alice and made my way to my truck. As soon as I was in the cab, the tears escaped and flowed freely. Pulling out of the parking lot, I caught sight of Alice standing by Rosalie's red convertible. Her brows pulled together and her eyes filled with sadness when she saw my face. I wiped away the tears quickly and looked away from her. I sobbed uncontrollably while driving, but the fact didn't bother me as much as it usually did. I was in too much pain to notice anything but the road.

My house was empty, and for once I didn't mind that my dad wasn't home. I didn't want him to see me like this. I lurched upstairs and tried to focus on my homework, but my tears kept blinding me and ruining the paper, so I curled up into a ball on my bed. The sobs shook me, rattling my bones. I ran to the medicine closet and grabbed the cold medicine. I knew that if I continued trying to stay conscious through that, it would end up badly. I would get seriously hurt if I let this go on, so I laid back on my bed and let the medicine make me drowsy. I was soon asleep.

_Edward held me close to him and kissed my hair. I leaned my head against his chest and sighed. I was content. He lifted my face to his and pressed his lips to mine, light and quick._

"_I love you," he breathed._

I think it was my racking sobs that woke me. The dream had lasted only seconds, it seemed, but that was enough to cause unbearable agony. I wondered why the cold medicine hadn't worked this time, but then I looked at my clock. It had been three hours since I had taken the medicine. I sighed, resigned to the pain, and let the misery have me for a little while longer.

When I resurfaced again, I had made a difficult decision. I couldn't keep living like this, that was for sure. I decided to not let the pain show, no matter what it cost me. I didn't care if I had to pretend that I hated Edward. I was determined to keep everything inside, to protect Alice and my father. I knew they worried about me, more than they needed to. I was resigned to the life that I had chosen; I had chosen not to live a normal life without Edward, because it wasn't possible. I had been irreversibly altered, past the point where I could continue on with life in a normal way.

But I _would _make it better for the other people in my life. I had already protected my mother from most of my insanity, now I just had to convince Alice and Charlie that I was okay. I was sure that Renee knew about my . . . situation, to an extent. I hadn't talked to her in person, though, for a long time, so I had been able to shield her from my dark and cloudy world of pain.

My eyes burned, so I got up and went to the bathroom to go wash my face. I felt better when I returned to my room, more reasonable. I realized that the decision I had made was a smart one; it was a good idea to hide my emotions in this kind of situation. If I kept on showing how broken I was, people were going to get worried, more so than they already were, and resort to drastic measures. I didn't want people to fuss over me. I didn't need help; I was smart enough to realize that hurting myself would be an extremely stupid mistake.

I got started on my homework, feeling mature and reasonable. This time, my tears did not stain the pages of my work.

When I was finished, I went downstairs to cook dinner. I was just setting the table when Charlie walked in.

"Hey, Bells." He smiled a small, wary smile. Worrying about me again. I started to sigh, but stopped myself. _You are fine, you are okay, _I chanted to myself in my head. My new philosophy was going to take some getting used to.

"Hi, Dad. Dinner's almost ready," I said in a steady voice, which pleased me.

Charlie hung his coat up and went to sit at the table while I placed a plate of food in front of him. I got my own dinner and sat down across from him.

"How was your day?" Charlie asked me.

"Fine," I said, almost in a whisper. Then I revised. "It was pretty good. I didn't get too much homework tonight. How was your day?" I asked with a carefully arranged smile. Charlie looked a little surprised at my answer. I usually didn't give him much information regarding my day.

"It was . . . good," Charlie began warily, "Pretty slow actually. Mark and I played cards for most of the day." He smiled a bit at some private joke.

I wasn't sure how to answer, so I stuck with a simple, "That sounds fun." I frowned in spite of myself. It didn't sound fun at all. Charlie sighed, so I looked up at him and smiled. He smiled back tentatively.

I turned in early that night, waiting for sleep to claim me. I tried to keep my strong attitude, but a few tears slid down my cheeks anyway. I decided that it didn't matter if I broke down. I was alone, and no one would see this.

I slept dreamlessly that night, and woke up feeling slightly refreshed. I skipped breakfast. Food didn't seem too appetizing to me anymore. I wasn't sure what caused the change, but it didn't really matter. Just one of the unimportant threads in my thinning, bland life.

The parking lot was empty when I arrived at school. I sat in my truck, with the heat blasting me. I was always too cold, even inside. I shivered underneath all my layers.

It didn't seem that too much time had passed when a sharp rap on my window startled me. I looked up to see Alice, an impatient expression on her face, pointing at her watch. We had two minutes to get to first period. I wrenched the door open and clambered out.

"Sorry, Alice, I lost track of time."

"Obviously." She glared at me, disapproval in her eyes.

We had to rush to get to English. Luckily, Mr. Berty wasn't in the room yet. The bell rang two seconds before we were seated.

The lecture numbed my mind, and I was able to get away with not thinking for almost an hour. Then Alice was shaking me to get me moving, and we were on our way to our next class. Unfortunately, second period was the one class that I had with Edward _and _without Alice. This was the hardest class to survive. Thankfully, I had gotten better at keeping my strong attitude. I hoped that I could get through the whole class without breaking down.

I made it class with a few minutes to spare. The teacher had just opened the door, and students were pouring in. A small line had formed. I stepped up, awaiting my turn to get into the classroom. Then I noticed a tall, bronze-haired figure standing in front of me. I held my breath so no sobs could escape. Because I was so silent, he stopped directly in front of me, talking with a few friends of his. I grasped at my chance to make my opinion of him known. Well, my _fake _opinion, anyway.

"Get out of my way, Cullen," I said in a harsh tone. He recognized my voice, and turned in surprise. He stared down at me in confusion. I was swept up in his deep emerald eyes, almost losing my focus. But I recovered quickly.

"Are you deaf?" I snapped. A small frown puckered his brow. I sighed internally at his beauty. He looked like an angel when he was confused.

"Uh . . . no." His voice, smooth as velvet, washed over me. I, once again, almost blew my cover. But I recovered in a short moment. He stood aside to let me pass, and I huffed in annoyance when my arm brushed his, but it was really a disguise for my intoxicated sigh. I was _so _besotted with him. It was absolute insanity.

I managed to get away with a numb mind again, and third period came with relief. Alice was waiting for me outside with a worried expression on her face. Edward was still in the classroom.

"It's okay, Alice. I'm fine," I assured her. She looked skeptical. We were standing just outside the doorway; when Edward came out, he walked directly into me. I gave him the best glare I could manage. He walked away looking confused and slightly irritated. I smiled to myself. I was getting better at this hating-Edward thing. It hurt to think this, but it hurt more to let the pain rule my life. I looked back at Alice. She was staring at me with wide eyes.

"What was _that _all about?" she hissed, pulling me in the direction of my next class. I had third period without her too, but thankfully, Edward was in a different class.

"He needs to watch where he's going," I stated matter-of-factly. Alice shook her head and dropped me off at Mr. Varner's classroom.

Trig flew by. I didn't notice much of what was going on around me.

Lunch arrived at last, and I rushed out of class. Alice was waiting for me outside the door. We walked silently to the cafeteria.

The lunch room was crowded and loud, but that didn't mean I missed the table that a group of boys sat at, a bronze-haired angel among them. His beauty pierced me through with sadness; he used to be _mine_. My heart thumped out an uneven rhythm in my chest as the past tense tore at my composure. _Used _to be. A small cry of pain escaped my lips, and Alice looked at me sharply. Her eyes were full of questions.

"What, Alice? Why do you keep looking at me like I have two heads?" I asked, my voice cutting. She shrugged and looked away. I followed her gaze, and my eyes rested on a group of surprisingly beautiful teenagers. Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie. Emmett was Alice's other brother. Jasper and Rosalie were brother and sister, too. They were all adopted by Carlisle and Esme Cullen.

Jasper eyes were locked on Alice's, and they seemed to be having some sort of silent, intense conversation. I walked slowly through the lunch line with Alice, picking up things at random.

Alice sat down next to Jasper, and I sat on her other side, on the extreme edge of the table. Emmett looked at me with worried eyes, but he greeted me as usual. Jasper and Rosalie chimed a "hello" to me, too. I answered with a mumble, and looked away. I heard them whispering, probably about me, but I didn't care enough to ask.

Alice whispered something fervently to Jasper, and leaned away from him to touch my shoulder. "Are you okay, Bella?"

"Yeah, you've been totally spacing the whole time," Emmett boomed. Alice shot him a dark look.

"Yeah, I'm fine. What are you all worrying about me for?" I answered sullenly. They exchanged a look amongst themselves, and Alice turned back to me.

"Well, you've been acting a little different . . ." Alice trailed off when she saw the expression on my face.

"Oh, yeah, just because I'm not acting like a zombie, you guys all start worrying about me," I snapped at Alice. She leaned away, shocked at my reaction. "I'm fine."

I deliberately turned my body away from them and glared at the wall across the room.

"Bella." I childishly put my hands over my ears. Alice pulled my hands away from my head. "Bella, we're just making sure you're okay. And if you say you're fine, we'll believe you. We're just watching out for you." Alice was careful not to mention the reason they watched out for me. Alice and I never talked about Edward.

I sighed heavily. "Fine." I turned back toward them but still didn't say anything. Lunch passed quickly, and I was glad when it was over. When I went to dump my tray, I noticed it was full of food I hadn't eaten. I didn't feel hungry, just sick. But I put on a brave face and walked with my head held high to my next class. Alice wasn't in this class with me, but Rosalie was. For that I was glad; Rosalie wasn't likely to say anything about my behavior.

I passed Edward on the way; I looked up at him with hard eyes, and he looked down at me with a blank expression. I wondered if my face betrayed any of the underlying pain it caused me to act that way toward him. I fervently hoped not.

Class drifted by slower than usual, but I barely noticed. My thoughts lingered on a pair of mesmerizing emerald eyes.

The rest of the school passed without incident. During my last two classes, I was so distracted by the fact that Alice was talking to me like I was a normal person that I didn't have a chance to take stock of my empty, pathetic life. The pain was something I could now bury inside myself until it was a sore spot on my heart.

I walked quickly out to the parking lot with Alice after the final bell ran. My eyes kept darting to a group of boys standing by a silver Volvo. Alice chattered non-stop until we reached my truck. I tried to concentrate on her words, but they flew over my head. I barely heard her say, "Good-bye," as I climbed into my truck. I waved, and slammed the door after she had turned to go over to Rosalie's convertible. But my clouded mind suddenly cleared up as soon as I was on the road.

I was living for nothing. I would never get to have Edward. He would never be mine again. That painful truth felt like a dagger in my heart. What was I doing? Wasting all that love on someone who would never reciprocate it. But I couldn't just _stop_. That would be impossible and unethical. Me not love Edward? Nonsense.

So I would have to be content. I would have to learn to endure my pain, and also hide it from other people. Today had tested my ability to do that, and I thought it had worked out well. Even Alice, perceptive as she was, detected no hint of pain in my eyes as I lied to them all. I was most definitely not fine. The opposite, actually. But Alice could have been acting, too. She was good at hiding things like that.

I knew Alice's strategy. She would pretend to believe me while in front of her siblings, then confront me later and force the truth out of me. If Alice had been faking this afternoon, I would have to be on my guard. I couldn't be caught unawares. And I had to practice my lying skills. They had already improved since yesterday, but I wanted to perfect them. It was the only way I could defeat Alice.

I was surprised when I found myself pulling into my driveway. I didn't remember the drive home at all. But I was thankful for the abstraction. Losing track of time was a relief from the painful emptiness of my life.

The evening passed slowly. I finished my homework before Charlie got home. He brought home a pizza, so I didn't have to cook. Even though I hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch, I only had one piece of pizza, and it tasted like cardboard. Everything tasted like cardboard, though, so it didn't surprise me.

Unfortunately, I didn't sleep dreamlessly that night. Edward, his eyes like clear green stone, emerald-like, starred in my dream. His face was not friendly, and it was more beautiful than an angel's would be. At first, I thought that he wanted me. But I registered the expression on his face. I spiraled downward in a pool of depression when he turned away from me.

I woke up crying.

The next few weeks created an easy pattern to fall into. It was monotonous, but oddly comforting. The Cullens, with the exception of one, treated me like a normal human being. Alice never confronted me, so I assumed she believed the lie. I became more able to hide my pain, which was growing worse for no reason I could fathom. I lay in my bed each night while sleep evaded me. Sometimes I sobbed, letting the pain take over. Sometimes I kept myself numb, staring blankly up at the dark ceiling.

I dreamed of a bronze-haired, emerald-eyed angel every single night.

_Six Years Later_

"Are you okay, Bella? You haven't touched your food." I jumped. I had been swirling my cereal around with my spoon instead of eating it. I looked at my husband, Mike, sitting across the table from me.

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"Okay. You just looked a little . . . weird." Mike smiled a small, tight smile at me.

"Yeah, I guess I was just thinking." I _had _been thinking, but not about things I ever thought about consciously. My mind had dredged up the memories of its own accord. It didn't care about the pain that those memories would cause me. I looked back down at my soggy cereal and reluctantly put a spoonful in my mouth. It tasted like wet cardboard.

"About what?" Mike asked with a little too much interest. But I guess I was his wife, so he could never be too interested in me.

"Our wedding," I lied smoothly. The indulgent smile I placed on my face added nicely to the effect. I felt bad for deceiving him, but the truth would hurt him more.

"I see." Mike's smile widened. My smile faded a bit, but Mike didn't notice. Now that I had mentioned it, our wedding was on my mind.

It had been a nice ceremony. All of my family and Mike's family were there. Alice was even there, but none of the other Cullens or Hales showed up.

Our honeymoon had been a different story. Mike had taken me to Hawaii, but I got sick with the "flu" our first night there. At least, I told Mike and everyone else that it was the flu, but it was really disgust at what I had done come back to haunt me. I was sick for the rest of the week. Needless to say, our honeymoon didn't include us sleeping in the same bed. Mike was too afraid I would throw up on him.

I married Mike to make my family happy. I wasn't sure if I loved him back then, and I still wasn't sure now.

But my experience in acting came in handy frequently. I had to pretend that I was happy with my life every day. No one ever suspected anything.

I hardly slept at night. I was hard for me to swallow my pain when I had been so used to letting it go the second I was in bed. I didn't think Mike would react well to me sobbing in the middle of the night.

I had come up with a routine, and I followed that every night. I would wait until Mike was asleep, which sometimes took more than an hour. Then I would go out to the living room and sit on the couch, letting the agony engulf me.

I was basically the same person I was in high school, with the same pain and everything, except the fact that I was better at acting. And I was married.

And, like I did in high school, I dreamed of Edward every single night.


	2. Chapter 2

I left for work after Mike had already left. I risked being late for work just to be alone for a few minutes.

I worked at a law firm as a secretary. It was a boring, generic job, but it didn't really matter. I hadn't gone to college with a specific job in mind, so I didn't have a good degree.

My stomach rumbled uncomfortably, and I realized that I had only eaten one bite of my breakfast. Six years of missing meals and losing track of time. It didn't matter, really, except in theory. I tried to act like a normal person, to protect the other people in my life. That was really the only reason I was still breathing.

I suddenly realized that there were no other people in my life. Of course, people I knew surrounded me, but I was completely and utterly _alone_. Alone with my pain, alone with my life. No one could help me.

Besides, help was not what I needed. I needed a reason to live. I needed to get a life. I was a walking, talking corpse. I had absolutely no _life_, none at all. On the outside, I would look like a normal human being. But on the inside, where no one could see the real me, I was a zombie. I had no reason to live. Without a reason to live, I had no incentive to keep myself alive.

I realized that the reason I missed meals so much was that my subconscious was trying to kill my body, just to get away from the pain. I couldn't let that happen. I would hurt the people around me, my family and friends, if I were to die. Even though I knew I wasn't supposed to be alive, I had to keep going. They couldn't be hurt. But I knew I would hurt them, eventually.

I couldn't keep living like this. There had to be relief. There must be some way to ease my pain. Somehow, I knew that the only way to ease my pain would be to hurt the people I loved. I wasn't sure what would happen in the process, but I _would _eventually hurt them. There was nothing I could do about it.

I arrived at work just as I came to my painful conclusion. The day passed slowly, but I was in a daze. I was too afraid of myself to pay much attention to the things going on around me. I did answer a few phone calls, and I concentrated enough to answer a few questions, but otherwise, I was completely out of it.

I was thinking, more about what I had brought on Mike and my family. There had to be some way to get away from them, to protect them from my deadliness. I had to cut myself off from my life. I had to get away. A clean break. I could leave, just disappear off the face of the earth, but I would still be tied to Mike through marriage. An option came into my mind, but I warded it off. I didn't want to do the obvious. It seemed like a crime.

Divorce. I had never really loved him, but I did want him to be happy. I knew that divorcing Mike would do just the opposite. It would hurt him and make him unhappy. But which was worse? Divorcing Mike, letting him be hurt for a short time? Or staying with him, and letting him be permanently damaged when my life expired unnaturally? Because I knew I would die an untimely death. People weren't meant to survive such agony.

I decided, reluctantly, that option two would be worse. It was obvious, and I couldn't ignore the unassailable facts. I would have to divorce Mike. It would hurt me, to see him hurt, but that pain couldn't be any worse than the pain I had to endure every day.

And how convenient. I worked at a law firm. _Too _convenient. It was like fate had guided me to this place, knowing what would happen in the future.

My decision was made, and suddenly I felt so much better. It had always been like that for me, though. I had trouble making decisions, but once they were made, I stuck by them. Besides, common sense would keep me bound in this agreement with myself. I couldn't bow out of this obligation. It was unthinkable and cruel to do anything else. No matter how backward it sounded, I knew it was true.

I drove home after work with a lighter heart. The familiar pain had subsided just a bit, enough for me to be confident with myself for a time. I still felt the weight of the agony I was suppressing on my shoulders, but it was bearable.

I cooked a simple dinner for Mike. I wasn't sure how to act around him, now that I knew I would be divorcing him soon. But when he got home, I found it was surprisingly easy to eat and talk and laugh with Mike, as if we were best friends rather than husband and wife.

The pain returned the minute I laid my head on my pillow, but without the usual crippling force. It was merely a throbbing in my chest, an aching in my head. I actually fell asleep a few minutes after Mike did. It was the first time I hadn't gone out to sit on the couch in about . . . well, six years. And Mike wondered why the circles under my eyes seemed permanently etched in my skin.

Under my eyelids, I met my truest of true loves again. He was every bit as beautiful as an archangel, every bit as lovely and perfect as I remembered him. I heard his sweet, velvety voice once again, and it calmed me.

I had always been grateful for my dreams. The provided a sense of temporary relief from pain, and they allowed me to relive the best days of my life. I hoped that I never dreamed of anything but Edward Cullen.


	3. Chapter 3

When I woke the next morning, Mike was already gone. He had left for work early, so I had some time to myself. I knew that today would be the day. I would have to leave him as soon as possible, so I had to get my plan in action as soon as possible.

I got ready quickly. I was oddly anxious for the day to begin, so I had over an hour of free time before I had to leave before work. I sat on the couch, my arms wrapped around my legs. Thoughts swirled around in my head.

I hadn't expected it to end this way. I hadn't known that it would come to this. I had not envisioned my future like this. I hadn't really envisioned it like anything. I tried to keep myself in the present only, and that left me no time to ponder the future.

I arrived at work early, my heart pounding out a jagged rhythm in my chest. I went and sat behind the front desk, drumming my fingers against the tabletop.

Finally, the front door swung open and Alexander Reese walked in. He was a lawyer at the firm, and a good friend of mine.

"Morning, Bella," he said pleasantly. I nodded at him and smiled nervously. I wasn't sure how to phrase my questions. I didn't know if asking him to help me divorce my husband would be awkward or easy.

He was about to close the door to his office when I spoke up. "Um, Alexander? I have a favor to ask . . ."

______________________________________________________________________________

I left the divorce papers on the kitchen counter along with my note.

"I'm sorry, Mike. Neither of us thought it was going to end this way, but I really couldn't do this anymore. I understand that this will hurt you, but I promise that you'll get over me someday. I'm nothing special. You'll find someone else, someone who's better for you. I already signed the divorce papers. Goodbye, Mike. Bella."

I sighed as I read over my words, scrawled on a Post-It. I slid my ring off my finger and set it on top of the divorce papers, where my messy signature stood out like a sore thumb. I grabbed my bag and headed toward the door.

"Goodbye, Mike," I sighed, and stepped out of my empty house and into the unknown.

______________________________________________________________________________

I had been alone for three months. Alone and wandering. I wasn't exactly sure where I was. Some city in Northern California, maybe. I didn't pay much attention to state lines. I had some money saved up from the months before leaving Mike, when I knew that I would be on my own soon, so I didn't have to worry about finding a job.

I hadn't received a single phone call from Mike or my dad since I left Phoenix. Mike had wanted to go back to Forks, or Seattle, at least, but I insisted on living in Phoenix. I lured him away from Washington with promises of a sunny paradise and warm days. After I showed him photos of my old home, he obligingly agreed.

Now I was heading north again, almost unconsciously. I was almost in Oregon, and if I kept traveling north at the rate I was going, I would soon be in Washington. I wasn't sure if that was what I wanted at this point, but it would be nice to see my dad. Maybe we could meet in Port Angeles. I didn't know if I could handle going back to Forks, where haunting memories would do exactly that — they would haunt me, and that would be too painful.

By now, I had been numb so long that the pain was something I could avoid for days at a time. I still had my moments, but I was handling it pretty well most of the time. I was getting better at keeping the agonizing memories out of my mind, after nearly seven years. I realized that as much as my life had changed, I was still the same person inside. That comforted me a bit, but the fact that my life was worthless still hurt me. I was still living for nothing, a walking corpse. I still felt that I had no reason to live. And I still dreamt of a green-eyed angel at night. My dreams still comforted me, provided a sense of temporarily relief. I was still glad that the memories that were replayed in my dreams did not hurt me at all.

A few days later, I found myself in Vancouver, Washington. I had driven slowly, so getting across Oregon took a day longer than it would have normally. I didn't mind too much. Oregon was beautiful, a thousand different states combined into one. It had its rainy coasts, its deserts, and its lush evergreen forests. But a few small towns in Oregon reminded me too much of Forks.

I stayed the night in Vancouver, and was on my way again the next morning. I wasn't completely sure where was going, but I had a few ideas. My suspicions were confirmed when I got on my phone and called Charlie. He sounded ecstatic to be talking to me, but his voice brought back painful memories, and I had to fight to keep my own voice normal. We decided to meet each other in Port Angeles the next day. I could tell he was wondering why I didn't just come see him in Forks by the tone of his voice, but he didn't say anything about it.

When I hung up, I found myself excited. I realized that I missed my dad, and now I would get to see him in less than a day. I drove faster than I had in weeks, and I hardly ever stopped at any rest areas.

I reached Port Angeles by mid-morning the next day. I had bypassed Forks and La Push altogether. It didn't bother me.

I hung around Port Angeles all day, walking around in the tourist-friendly town. By the time five o'clock came around, I was ravenous. I was supposed to meet Charlie at a restaurant at five-thirty.

I got to the restaurant at five-fifteen, and got a table. I was anxious to see my father. When he walked in the door, I got up from my table and practically fan to go hug him. In his warm arms, I felt like a little kid. Looking at his familiar face, I realized that had missed this; the feeling that someone I cared about loved me back. For the moment, I was happy.


	4. Chapter 4

"Dad, I've missed you so much." Charlie and I were sitting at a booth in a small restaurant in Port Angeles.

"Same here, Bells."

"So what have you been doing lately?" I asked. I was so glad to be with my dad again; I hadn't realized how much I missed him. I felt like a little girl again, and I didn't mind.

"Oh, the same old, same old. Billy and I are still going strong. Fishing every weekend." He smiled sheepishly at me. I knew that when I was a teenager he had felt like he left me alone too much. I didn't mind it; it was more important for Charlie to be happy, and fishing was what he loved to do.

"That's great. So the food hasn't been too horrible?" Now it was my turn to smile. I used to cook the meals at home. When I left, I worried that Charlie would suffer from lack of food. It was practically criminal negligence, but he assured me he would be fine.

"Not too bad, no. Sue cooks for me and Billy a lot. But sometimes I go to the diner. It hasn't been too horrible." We laughed together. The laughter didn't go very deep, but it felt nice to be laughing at all. That, mixed with my euphoric mood from seeing Charlie, made me more agreeable to be around. I was glad Charlie got to see this rare side of me.

"So, what brings you here to Washington? Aside from me." He grinned.

I sighed. I had been hoping to skip this part of the conversation. Apparently, Mike hadn't told Charlie about our divorce, so I would have to. Fantastic.

"Well, you see . . . Just don't get mad, okay? I mean, why would you? I mean . . . never mind," I stuttered and fumbled over the words as they came out.

"Bella?" Charlie's voice was confused.

"Um . . . Mike and I aren't married anymore." I watched Charlie's face carefully. He had a history of overreacting.

But, surprisingly, Charlie's face stayed calm. "Well, I'm not happy, of course. But there had to be good reason, right?" His voice was tainted with his disapproval, but otherwise calm.

"Of course. But it's kind of hard to explain. I . . . just couldn't do it anymore. It wasn't the life I wanted." Charlie looked at me with incredulous eyes. "Would you be satisfied if I promised you that I had a good reason, and that it was the right choice for me?" Those words seemed to be magic. Charlie nodded, agreeing with me.

"Bella, you've always known what was best for you. If you think a divorce was the best decision, then I won't argue with you. I understand." I sighed in relief.

"Thanks, Dad." Our food arrived then, and talk wasn't as easy, so we ate in silence.

______________________________________________________________________________

The evening passed too quickly.

As we were getting up to leave, Charlie asked me if I wanted to stay at home with him. I told him no, that Forks wasn't the best place for me right now. He seemed to understand.

Saying goodbye was bittersweet. I was sad to see him go, but he had to work in the morning, so I didn't complain. He got in his police cruiser and drove away. I waved until he disappeared around a corner and I could see him no longer.

The sense of well-being Charlie had brought with him was fading. I felt myself spiraling downward in overwhelming depression. Now I really did have no one. I was alone once again.

I sat down on a bench and closed my eyes. I knew it would cause me pain, but I pictured the emerald-eyed, godlike face in my mind for a few minutes. It slowed my panicked breathing and soothed the ache in my chest.

When I opened my eyes again, it was noticeably darker. The dim blue of the sky had faded to black, and all I could see were the cars passing on the road in front of me.

I suddenly was overcome with overwhelming sadness and despair. I couldn't take it any longer; there _had _to be relief. I couldn't keep living like this. I made my decision in a split-second.

I stood up quickly and glanced up and down the sidewalk. It was empty. The restaurant behind me was just closing up, the lights inside blinking out one by one. I waited for the employees to walk past me and get into their cars down the street before moving an inch. I didn't want any witnesses.

I stepped up to edge of the sidewalk and looked down at me clothes. Fortunately, I was wearing dark colors. No one driving on the street would see me until they were practically on top of me. Which was what I wanted.

I took a deep breath, and threw myself into the nearest lane of traffic.

"No!" I heard a strangled cry come from somewhere in front of me, and suddenly I was being hit in the chest. I felt myself flying backwards, out of the road and onto the sidewalk. I tensed for the impact, but there was none. I was wrapped securely in strong arms, and I was barely jostled as my rescuer and I slid into the bushes on the other side of the wet sidewalk.

As my body came to a halt, I realized my eyes were squeezed tightly shut.

I took a shuddering breath, and wrenched my eyelids open.

My wary gaze was met by a pair of hypnotizing, emerald eyes.

"Edward," I breathed.


	5. Chapter 5

"It's okay, I'm here. You're okay." His sweet voice washed over. And I was okay, more than okay.

I was overcome by a flood of emotion, the most potent being euphoria and happiness. I looked into his deep green eyes, and I felt true happiness, something I hadn't felt in more than seven years.

But other feelings lurked beneath the bubbling cloud of happiness, anger and depression among them. Anger at myself, for doing something so stupid. I couldn't imagine how much it would hurt Charlie. And if I had died, I wouldn't be lying in Edward's arms. I shuddered at the thought.

Depression because, though he was looking at me with something that could only be called relief, I knew I wouldn't be able to stay with him. I was no different, no more special than I had been in high school. But I shoved my doubts away for the moment, marveling at the strong feeling of his arms around me and at the perfection of his face.

I sighed heavily, and it hurt. I realized that Edward was gripping me so tight that my ribs ached. I didn't care. I never wanted him to let me go; this moment was too perfect.

"You . . . you are all right?" he asked, his voice saturated with worry. I sighed again. For now, it seemed like he cared about me. Maybe I was better off pretending.

"Yes. I'm fine. Thank you for saving me." I stumbled over the words a bit, still dazed with my own unexpected happiness. He released his death grip on me. I wanted to protest, but I held my tongue. Somehow, complaining seemed like the wrong thing to do. I could see a hint of the familiar anger bubbling up in his eyes. I steeled myself for the fury and sat up, rubbing my ribs. He sat up too, facing me. I could barely see his face in the gloom, but a few splotches of light found its way in our hideout in the bushes.

"You're welcome. Now . . . what were you thinking, exactly?" His voice was smooth, but I could hear a soft edge of anger in it.

"Um . . ." I trailed off. I hadn't really been planning to say anything, anyway. I didn't know what to tell. Definitely not that I had been trying to kill myself. That would unleash the full wrath of his fury on me, and that was something I wasn't anticipating.

Edward stared into my eyes for a long moment, then took my shoulders firmly.

"Bella, were you trying to kill yourself?" That made things a whole lot simpler.

"Well, I . . . yes. I was." I looked down guiltily. He put his finger under my chin and coaxed my face up. His eyes were sincere, and filled with sadness.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because . . ." I felt the anger I harbored toward myself morph into something entirely different, something exquisitely violent and directed at the person sitting across from me. "Because of you! You were the one who broke up with me, and left me to die. You have no idea the pain I had to go through _every single day_. I mean, you saw it from the outside: me crying every time I saw your face. I couldn't even look at you with getting ripped apart on the inside. And the crazy thing is, I'm still in love with you. I dream about you every night. Nothing's changed much." My rage had cooled, leaving mountains of room for crippling depression. My last sentence had been tainted by my wracking sobs.

He probably didn't even care. He was probably looking at me, thinking I was insane. Well, he was right about that part at least.

I had been so close to relief. But if I had died, I would have missed this last chance to see his face and hear his voice, and that would have been inexcusable.

My anger had directed itself inward again. I couldn't believe how stupid I was, that I would still be in love with this angel that had ripped my soul into pieces. But the hold he had on my bruised heart was permanent and unbreakable. I would never escape from the effect he had on me. I would always love him.

My head felt like it was about to explode. I collapsed back onto my side, letting the depression pull me under. My eyes were open, but blackness was blooming across my vision.

The last thing I felt before dropping off into oblivion was Edward's strong arms under me.

In the pressing darkness, I heard an exquisite voice humming my lullaby.


	6. AN

**Hey guys! So sorry, it's been so long. But, like I said on my profile (though maybe you didn't read that) my computer is broken and I won't be able to get on the Internet for a long time (I'm talking, like a month, maybe). So I haven't been able to write, and even if I did, I would have no way to get it on the Internet. I'm at my dad's house right now, but it's late and I'm tired, so I'll put up a new chapter tomorrow night, I promise. Sound good? Again, I am SO** **that I didn't update before my computer broke, but I'll make it up to you. Somehow. Please don't give up on me. Be patient, I won't let you down. (:**

**3 Cullenlover25**


	7. Chapter 6

I opened my eyes to an unfamiliar room. The walls were off-white and bare, boring, but the bed I was nestled in was warm and soft. There was a lamp on the table to my left, evidence that I was in a hotel room. I wondered how I got there. Everything from last night seemed foggy and blurred together.

All I remembered was a crushing grief, and a pair of green eyes so piercing they seemed to stare straight through my soul.

Suddenly, all the memories came flooding back. My dinner with Charlie, my close encounter with death, and being saved by an angel. Edward.

As soon as I thought his name I regretted it. My chest tightened, and I squeezed my hands into tight fists to keep from sobbing. I would not let last night control my sanity.

I wondered where my perpetual savior had gone, and if last night was merely a dream. Maybe I had fallen asleep on that bench, and somehow found my way into a hotel. It seemed likely. Sometimes, my mind shut itself off. I was alert on the outside, but I didn't notice anything on the inside. Occasionally, there would be a large and confusing lapse im my memory, and I wondered how I had gotten somewhere. That seemed likely.

Or . . . I hardly allowed myself to think the prospect, for fear of hoping. If I hoped at all, I was sure to be hurt.

What if last night had been real? Unlikely, but nothing else seemed to fit. I usually didn't blank out for that long a period of time.

If last night had, in fact, been real, I wouldn't know what to do. If Edward was still around, I wouldn't know what to say to him, after my stupid and embarrassing outburst. I must have made him feel terrible, and for that I truly hated myself. If last night had been something other than a dream, I had to apologize to Edward, and free him from the burden of myself. I could no longer be allowed to make his life miserable, and the only way to do that would be to take myself out of his life altogether. It would cause me unbearable pain, but what did that matter in comparison with Edward's happiness? He was and always had been the priority.

I sighed a heavy sigh, but there was no going back. I had made my decision.

"Bella?" I jumped. Edward's voice was like a lullaby, sweet and soothing. "Bella, are you awake?"

I sat up so fast my head spun. "Yes, I'm awake." My voice shook. —

Edward was sitting on a low chair at the foot of my bed with a worried expression on his perfect face.

After taking one look at the concern in his features, the words rushed out of me."Edward, I'm so sorry about last night. I don't know what I was thinking. I was half-crazy. I'm so sorry, I can't believe I said all that to you. I'm just so disgusted with myself —"

"Bella, Bella," he soothed me. "It's alright. I understand. I really do."

"Really? Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am. I know exactly how you feel. The bad parts, too."

"What?" I began, but could not finish. He had stood up from his chair and walked slowly over to me, and was now standing less than a foot away. He interrupted my question.

"Bella, I know how you feel, because I'm in love with you, too."


	8. Chapter 7

My heart swelled with irrational hope, but I suppressed it quickly, scolding myself. I knew that it could not be true. It had to be a hallucination. The words Edward had just spoken were the answer to my prayers, the healer of my wounds. I knew better than to believe him. If I let myself hope, it was sure to hurt me later.

"What?" I gasped. "But . . . but how?" I wanted so fiercely to believe him that my voice cracked.

"Bella, I was young, I was stupid. I thought I wasn't good enough for you, that you'd be better off without me. But I was wrong. You _weren't _better. And neither was I. It took all the strength I had not to show up under your bedroom window and beg for mercy. But I thought that if I could just stay away from you, you would get better." He shook his head sadly. "I was wrong. Completely wrong. And I'm sorry that I hurt you so much. I'm sorry I couldn't be what you needed, what was good for you. I'm sorry, for everything."

I stared at him, speechless. Inside, I was viciously trying to convince myself that he was lying, that what he was saying wasn't true. If I allowed even an ounce of hope to enter my body, it would finish me off. All his words would turn back on themselves and I would be left alone, my heart further ripped into shreds. But if he was happy, I could live through that. As long as I knew that Edward was well and happy, I could survive anything. I had to try to make him happy, and that would mean I would have to let him go. If he was happy without me, I would gladly take myself out of the picture.

I wasn't sure what to say to him. "I . . . see. I guess I understand now." Words. That's all they were; words. I had to lie to him. This was not a topic of conversation I wanted to dwell on. "So, what have you been doing the past seven years?" It was a generic question, but I was wildly interested.

Edward sighed. "Nothing terribly interesting. I studied medicine a bit, and then I went to work at a clinic here in Port Angeles. Carlisle is proud of me, but it sometimes seems that he's not completely satisfied at what I've done with my life." Edward looked at me, his eyes burning with implications. I had been trying to think of a response, but his gaze made my mind blank.

"Umm," was all I was able to respond.

"What have _you _been doing all these years?" he asked.

"Well, I got married." I watched Edward's face closely after I said this. His expression remained the same, with only the slightest hardening of his emerald green eyes. "And then I got divorced. I was living in Phoenix at the time, working as a secretary for a lawyer, but . . . I just wasn't happy. So after the divorce I started . . . wandering, I guess, and I found myself here in Washington a few days ago. So, nothing terribly interesting." I smiled wryly. Edward returned the smile with a stunning one of his own.

I felt awkward still lying down in bed, so I sat up. Suddenly, Edward's face was a few inches from mine. He leaned in slowly, until I could clearly see the golden flecks in his green eyes.

He hesitated for half a second, then closed the distance between our faces and pressed his lips softly to mine.


	9. Author's Note

Hey guys. Sorry, but I won't be updating YGA for a while. First of all, my computer is broken (I'm using my grandma's right now) and second of all, I am upset and don't feel like writing. Anyone ever heard the phrase "Adam Lambert should have won American Idol"? Well, I've been saying that a lot lately. So that's why I'm upset. That's why I won't be writing for a couple weeks. Sorry. ): 


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